Gone like the wind.

Don't know how, or where to start.I just had to witness that and the image just keeps playing over and over again in my head, even up till now. The way her body slowly hardened, it frightens me. Yeah people tell me her time is up, people tell me to let go, at least she's now relieved from all the suffering. I know that and I understand that. I'm just sick of myself, I'm just sick of the way I cry countless times, in front of anyone. It shows nothing but how weak I am, but I'm really tired, both physically and mentally. I'm tired to pretend, you all can go like, "Oh Emilia, you weren't like this in the past, where's the happy and jovial Emilia?". Everyone has ups and downs, isn't it? I know no one can help me because I have to help myself and get over this. But I'd seriously appreciate if people don't question where has the "old me" gone to, seriously.
After 13 years with us, she has to go. In fact she has lived way longer thn the average lifespan. Until now I still hate the vet for lying, lying about the "few more months" when it's barely a day. But at the same time, I guess it's not his fault either. I know she was really struggling hard till the last minute because she was barking non-stop before she left us. I can hear the pain in her barks. And I know he's very sad and he felt so helpless when he could not do anything to make her feel better. The way he breaks down right before my eyes pains me. The way he cried out loud, it was the first time in my entire life I saw that. Numbed to the surroundings, numbed to the happenings.
I miss you, I really miss you.
I promise I'm fine. I promise I will be fine.


It's just one of those things
You'll have to get over it