To you-know-who:
I know you've been trying hard to relieve those times and I am trying hard too.
I miss those times whereby we're so close, so happy and stuff. Now it feels like we're just ordinary friends. I miss 2006's December holidays and like I've told you before, during 2007's December holidays, I was trying to get back the same feeling, but I didn't manage to. I miss the heart-to-heart talks, I miss going crazy with you, I miss screaming in the toilet with you (nobody does that with me now), I miss fighting with you, I miss bullying you, I miss playing with you. Thinking back on what we've been through, reading my blog archives, I really miss those days. But why is it that, it feels as though as we're not like before anymore? There's just this gap in between us. During recess, they'll always look for you. If you're not there, they'll ask us. If we're not there, they won't even ask. And even when we sit together, we don't feel like we're there. We feel invisible, you know?
I'm very tired too, tired of what I've to face now, tired of the fake people, tired of people taking me for granted, tired of the problems, tired of almost every single thing. But still I've to pretend to smile and be happy in class, in school. Very tiring. There was one night, I felt really sad and I wanted to sms you. I actually typed a long long long long sms but in the end I didn't send that message. I don't know why either. You know what? I feel exactly like how you do. For the past months, I feel like I've been living for nothing. I really cried countless times this year, so much that it scares me.
Most friends come, and go. But I don't want you to be the come-and-go friend, I want you to be the forever friend. People can come and go for all they like but I don't care at all. Because in the first place, they don't even cherish me. As for you, I know you cherish me, and I cherish you too. I don't want us to turn out like that.
It's not that I don't care. If I don't care, I won't even bother to read your blog often, like almost every time I switch on my computer.
On that day, actually I was kinda angry because you kept saying and saying, like I'm in the wrong. I know you don't mean that, but I just feel lousy when you said those stuff. It makes me feel like I'm nothing at all. Sometimes when you compare me to other people, I feel hurt too. And at times when I feel like I'm nothing to you, it can just spoil my whole day.
One of the best gifts that God has given to me when I came to Kranji, is you. You were there for me, you encouraged me, you helped me through difficult times. I don't want to lose you, like that. Just because we're not in the same class, just because we don't spend time as much as before, it doesn't mean that I'm gonna let this friendship rot.
We all experience sadness but I guess it's part and parcel of life. Everyone has to go through the same thing but it's the way people handle their problems that differs. I'm gonna fight for my happiness and I'm not gonna let all my problems defeat me.
So I wanna tell you tht, I WON'T GIVE UP TOO.
我的快樂 會回來的
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